A Muse, Amusing

June 21, 2009

I`m on a misty river bank, high as a kite on mushroom tea, calling to mind each and every moment of his short, yet profoundly earth shattering life. Perfectly still I am, breathing deeply, clinging to one of his little blankets.

I whisper his name into the mist. Tears stream down my face. I am able to meditate, to step outside of myself and in to the astral plain. Being here allows me to relive my brief experience with motherhood. Memories which, up until now, I had been too hurt and ashamed of myself to really feel. Rather than using them to heal, cherishing them, I`d been drowning them with alcohol. In this moment, I find myself aware, uplifted, needing to feel each and every emotion. Especially the hardest to face.

It is very early in the morning, on the fifth anniversary of his death. June twenty-first, the summer solstice. The longest and brightest day of the year. At five a.m., the sun is already painting brilliant pink streaks across the prairie sky.

I kneel down in the mud, bending to sink my hands in to the warm earth. Turning my gaze towards the sky, I am gifted with a fantastic vision. A mirage displayed just before the bend over a foggy river bed.  Words begin to bubble up from a light and special place. I pick up my journal, which is splayed out beside me. I sit down and begin to write down what I envision in the sky…

…His free spirit boldly emerges before me. A care-free yellow butterfly… dancing in flits and flutters. Human form would not have suited my graceful little muse. Wrapped in his warmth here, I am allowed to watch him play. A young mothers` dream realized. Affirmation that her offspring has evolved from a tiny embryo, into precisely the magnificence that his destiny had hoped for him. He shows me where he’s been.

With this rare and special glimpse of him unfolding, I am able to reach an understanding as to why he couldn’t stay with me on Earth. Simple human emotion is suddenly irrelevant. Clearer perception, brought about by his timeless wisdom, guides my merciful heart into healing. A deeper realm of consciousness is exposed. Here, a place is found where heartache is impossible. Awareness is the key. Profound sense of connection will finally wash away any resentment left on my soul, energy healing…

A gentle breeze from his wings summons a breath, scattering seeds of contentment in the warmth of the solstice sunrise. Seeds multiply, instantaneously growing many beautiful weeds. A fuzzy blanketed field emerges, soft and white, comforting, igniting a spark of faith in the ability of endless, unconditional love…


A friend took this photo of me, having this vision. NCF 2009, Driftpile River, Alberta Canada.



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